Current goal: To learn how to juggle five things at once.

Excerpt:

Most of them are crap, but I saw one about a guy who suddenly stops eating and drinks only milk. I don’t know whether you’d call it a farce or what, but the whole thing was just about the complications resulting from the milk thing. Like the Metamorphosis but with milk. I don’t know whether it was an intentional reference, but I kept thinking, “This is like the Metamorphosis but with milk.” Then on the way out I picked up a program and there was a reviewer’s quote that said, “Like the Metamorphosis but with milk.” When I saw this I felt nervous and started wondering if I had somehow caught a glimpse of the quote on someone else’s program without consciously realizing it. I don’t know whether it’s more unnerving to think that I saw something, forgot about it, and then convinced myself that I’d thought it on my own, or to think that I never saw it at all and that I just had the same thought, phrased the same way, as someone else.

Week 3 (writing a 50k-word novel in a week) recap. Next goal is to learn how to juggle five things at once.

Failed.

FASTER

This is not going to happen.

Passed 5k words. Over 10% done with 26 hours to go. I think I’m getting faster as I go.

4,207 words.

A few times times this week I’ve run into friends who’ve commented, “Shouldn’t you be writing?” I can’t tell whether it’s sarcastic because all of my friends are comedians.

This goal seems more feasible now than when I chose it, and I’m trying to make it my first success. Thursday is over and I’ve only written 1,930 words, but I’m picking up speed as I go, and I’m planning to dedicate Friday and Saturday almost exclusively to writing.

The character I’m writing as is either a slightly weirder version of myself, or a version of myself that’s no more weird, but is more willing to discuss the ways in which he’s weird. I’m still planning to post the full novel when it’s ready.

I haven’t decided yet what I’m doing next week. A few things people have sent in:

• Get a personal thank-you note from a millionaire
• Sit through an entire high school class without being kicked out
• Kiss a B-list or higher celebrity
• Get on a national news show
• Catch some type of wildlife without professional assistance
• Do 5,000 pushups in one week

595 words. At this rate it will take me about 310 days.

232 words.

No words written so far.

I forgot to describe the worst/funniest thing that happened during this project. On one train car I had sung most of my song, everything was cool, I was going around getting donations, and I suddenly forgot the rest of the words. I kept walking around, casually restarted the second verse, and immediately stumbled over my words again. A horrrrrible panic set in and I basically lost control of my mouth. I was mumbling nonsense surrounded by strangers! The doors were open so I decided to bolt. As I went for the exit the doors started closing. I had my guitar around my neck and my hat with money in it in my left hand, I was being awkwardly crushed by a subway car door, and coins were falling out of my hat. I struggled with the door for a moment, forced my way through, and nearly died of humiliation.

I literally can’t remember ever being more embarrassed in my life than during those thirty seconds.

But when everything went well, there was something about having five people in a row dump money into your hat as you sing a Dylan song that was far cooler than anything I’d done before.

Week 2 (making $200 in a day by busking) recap with actual busking footage. Next goal is to write a 50,000 word novel in a week.

I’ve given up! Three hours to go, but it’s over. Video recap coming around 2 a.m.

I now hate “Mr. Tambourine Man.”