The Odds Are Against Me

My Unfinished Novel (7,503 words)

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 15:31:00 -0500

Excerpt:

Most of them are crap, but I saw one about a guy who suddenly stops eating and drinks only milk. I don’t know whether you’d call it a farce or what, but the whole thing was just about the complications resulting from the milk thing. Like the Metamorphosis but with milk. I don’t know whether it was an intentional reference, but I kept thinking, “This is like the Metamorphosis but with milk.” Then on the way out I picked up a program and there was a reviewer’s quote that said, “Like the Metamorphosis but with milk.” When I saw this I felt nervous and started wondering if I had somehow caught a glimpse of the quote on someone else’s program without consciously realizing it. I don’t know whether it’s more unnerving to think that I saw something, forgot about it, and then convinced myself that I’d thought it on my own, or to think that I never saw it at all and that I just had the same thought, phrased the same way, as someone else.

Week 3 (writing a 50k-word novel in a week) recap. Next goal is...

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 15:25:39 -0500

Week 3 (writing a 50k-word novel in a week) recap. Next goal is to learn how to juggle five things at once.

Failed.

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 00:29:37 -0500

Failed.

FASTER

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 16:04:45 -0500

FASTER

This is not going to happen.

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 05:51:02 -0500

This is not going to happen.

Passed 5k words. Over 10% done with 26 hours to go. I think I’m getting faster as I go.

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 22:48:58 -0500

Passed 5k words. Over 10% done with 26 hours to go. I think I’m getting faster as I go.

4,207 words.

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 15:49:10 -0500

4,207 words.

Week #3 (Novel): Day 5 update

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 04:48:00 -0500

A few times times this week I’ve run into friends who’ve commented, “Shouldn’t you be writing?” I can’t tell whether it’s sarcastic because all of my friends are comedians.

This goal seems more feasible now than when I chose it, and I’m trying to make it my first success. Thursday is over and I’ve only written 1,930 words, but I’m picking up speed as I go, and I’m planning to dedicate Friday and Saturday almost exclusively to writing.

The character I’m writing as is either a slightly weirder version of myself, or a version of myself that’s no more weird, but is more willing to discuss the ways in which he’s weird. I’m still planning to post the full novel when it’s ready.

I haven’t decided yet what I’m doing next week. A few things people have sent in:

Get a personal thank-you note from a millionaire
Sit through an entire high school class without being kicked out
Kiss a B-list or higher celebrity
Get on a national news show
Catch some type of wildlife without professional assistance
Do 5,000 pushups in one week

595 words. At this rate it will take me about 310 days.

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:48:42 -0500

595 words. At this rate it will take me about 310 days.

232 words.

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 18:06:16 -0500

232 words.

No words written so far.

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 02:17:26 -0500

No words written so far.

Week 2 addendum (horrible horrible horrible)

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:54:00 -0500

I forgot to describe the worst/funniest thing that happened during this project. On one train car I had sung most of my song, everything was cool, I was going around getting donations, and I suddenly forgot the rest of the words. I kept walking around, casually restarted the second verse, and immediately stumbled over my words again. A horrrrrible panic set in and I basically lost control of my mouth. I was mumbling nonsense surrounded by strangers! The doors were open so I decided to bolt. As I went for the exit the doors started closing. I had my guitar around my neck and my hat with money in it in my left hand, I was being awkwardly crushed by a subway car door, and coins were falling out of my hat. I struggled with the door for a moment, forced my way through, and nearly died of humiliation.

I literally can’t remember ever being more embarrassed in my life than during those thirty seconds.

But when everything went well, there was something about having five people in a row dump money into your hat as you sing a Dylan song that was far cooler than anything I’d done before.

Week 2 (making $200 in a day by busking) recap with actual...

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 12:19:51 -0500

Week 2 (making $200 in a day by busking) recap with actual busking footage. Next goal is to write a 50,000 word novel in a week.

I’ve given up! Three hours to go, but it’s over. Video recap coming around 2 a.m.

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 21:27:30 -0500

I’ve given up! Three hours to go, but it’s over. Video recap coming around 2 a.m.

I now hate “Mr. Tambourine Man.”

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 20:02:49 -0500

I now hate “Mr. Tambourine Man.”

Made $30 in three hours. Exausted. Starting again soon, no way...

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 16:12:47 -0500

Made $30 in three hours. Exausted. Starting again soon, no way I’ll make $170 more though.

Dropped the bits and started straight-up songplaying. Making a dollar per subway car.

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 15:48:59 -0500

Dropped the bits and started straight-up songplaying. Making a dollar per subway car.

Managed to insult tourists, break into multiple personalities, and make a 9/11 joke on the same A...

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 14:24:13 -0500

Managed to insult tourists, break into multiple personalities, and make a 9/11 joke on the same A train.

23 hours to go. Progress: soul-crushing!

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 02:23:24 -0500

23 hours to go. Progress: soul-crushing!

Week 1 addendum (things I forgot to mention)

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 14:39:30 -0500

I was very surprised not to be bothered by a single police officer. I made sure I wasn’t actually in any roadways, which seems to be the main thing that’ll get you in trouble, but I’ve been bothered so many other times for doing legal things that I thought for sure it would happen when I did something kind of dangerous that most people think is illegal.
I got tired really fast. My right arm and hand mostly, but also my feet/legs.
Starting on Thursday, I noticed that after staring at oncoming traffic for a while and then looking elsewhere, there was a weird optical effect where everything looked like it was slowly melting to the left.
I’d read that it was important to have a good sign, so I used stencils to get mine as neat-looking as possible, but I felt weird about having a totally perfect hitchhiking sign, because it seemed bogus. The whole process felt bogus, but something about my sign being made of poster board that I’d purchased at Blick instead of cardboard that I’d scavenged made it feel extra bogus.
I bought a pocket knife to take with me after people kept making comments about how dangerous hitchhiking was and how I should take protection. I really like the knife but feel silly about purchasing things I didn’t get to use in any sense.
People (friends) had a hard time understanding why I was doing what I was doing. I had to keep saying things like, “That’s the point!” That’s not their fault, it just means my website doesn’t communicate my deal clearly enough. I’ll work on it.